Wednesday, November 4, 2009


The poop bags are generally pretty good. They're bright and green and are emblazoned with a happy cartoon of two dogs standing around a steaming pile of their own residue. I've never had a problem with them. The worst that can be said is that sometimes they're a bit tricky to open, especially if it's cold out and you're wearing gloves. But other than that I couldn't ask for a more reliable and easy to use product. They're even biodegradable!

Tonight after an hour at the gym, my body already stiffening up and this one bitch of a muscle screaming at me in my shoulder, Duncan and I walked down to the little enclosed "dog park" at the other end of the complex. It's smaller than The Glen but it's lighted and fenced in and much more user friendly on nights like tonight when all I want is a quick, painless thirty minutes outside with the dog, followed by an extremely hot shower, a beer and a pizza (so much for the hour with my trainer) and a movie on the couch until I pass out.

Duncan took his time sniffing around and prancing about as he is wont to when he knows I can hardly move and will be doing my best Frankenstein's Monster impersonation tomorrow when I walk. First he strolled the perimeter of the yard, sniffing back by the shed where they keep the weed whackers and holiday lights. Then he circled the wiry, little saplings, raising his leg and spritzing each before moving on to the park bench and doing the same to all four of its legs. I stood around, bouncing on my heels and shivering in my jacket as I waitied for him to poop. When he finally did, he chose the furthest and darkest corner, moving off to the side when he'd finished to grin maniacally while watching me shuffle down to him, dodging poop left behind by the dogs of less courteous neighbors.

I reached into my pocket and grabbed one of the several wadded up poop bags I take with me everywhere. I am to poop bags as old ladies are to tissues up the sleeves of their sweaters. I take them with me everywhere. If we're ever out together, you and I, on a hike, or a road trip, shopping at the mall, eating at a restaurant and you find yourself in dire need of a poop bag, I've got you covered. Trust me.

It was dark in that corner of the yard and not even the light from the passing cars was much use. I fetched a treat from my other pocket and slipped it to Roo who took it and ambled off leaving me to clean up after him. A breeze kicked up, stirring the leaves and rattling the twig trunks of the twin saplings. Their shadows swayed back and forth across the crisp, yellowing grass, the moon painting them as pale, bony fingers pointing me in the right direction.

I slid my hand into the bag and reached for the small pile. Since I put him on a raw diet last year, Duncan's poops have been small and hard, shaped like nearly-perfect balls, and never take up very much space in the bag. They're quite manageable, almost cute even, compared to the smoking behemoths I see other dogs leave behind. Still, not noticing the hole in the bottom of the bag and grabbing Duncan's quaint little pile, really digging in and getting it under the nails, was no more pleasant because they're shaped like big peanut M & M's.

It took me a moment. I've grown quite accustomed to the heat, but the moisture and the clearly rendered texture was something new. It was only when I felt them shift and roll down my fingers and into my warm palm that I gasped and ran like a little girl to the nearest garbage can, Duncan chasing after me and batting at my heels like we'd invented a new game.

Sometimes the glamor of my life is almost unbearable.


Charlie said...

Eeeeeeeewwwww... :)
- Anne

Marty said...


I just "caught up" on reading your blog. I have fallen behind in many necessary tasks and all the pleasures since Jake's death. But, this morning I got your blog read. I thank you so much for sharing your life with all of us. You are a wonderful, writer--breathtakingly beautiful words and phrases--and you make our lives richer. Thank you for writing.


Lori said...

Dunc poop, whale poop, Dr. Needs-to-Poop.... is someone having a poopy week? ;-)

Ashley, The Accidental Olympian said...

OH have I ever been there. I now check each and every bag before I bend down. No matter how much I love my dog, there is nothing worse than poop under your finger nails and no way to wash your hands.

I'm getting shivers just thinking about it again...

Nik said...

That dookie wasn't so cute when you had to touch it, now was it? LMAO.

oh, kert.

caboval said...

OMG!!! Laughing so hard!!!! Its funny Im like you I have bags in every sweatshirt I have and my purse and backpack! They even come out of the dryer!!! We are prepared!!! But eeewwwwww Ive never touched it! Augh!!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha so funny!!!!!!!! Hug Joey and Kealani

The Other End Of The Leash said...

Ah, we are familiar with that particular scenario. Around here we refer to it affectionately (kinda) and loudly (always) as THE BREACH.