Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A New Feather

It has been a difficult week and tomorrow Duncan and I will climb into the car  once again and make an unexpected return to Idaho. I have spent much of the day packing and cleaning, getting organized, running errands and grieving.

Last night my grandfather passed away, the last of my four grandparents, and my heart has been breaking ever since. Duncan was with me, on a walk through the dark and quiet when the call came. Almost immediately my good, red dog was at my side, standing so that his head stood even with my hand, gently resting his weight against my leg in reassurance, a reminder that he was there for me. The sky was brilliant and clear and vast in a way it hasn't been as of late, and as my mother and I cried softly and tried to be brave, I tilted my head back, turning my face into the darkness above. "Look for that new bright star," Mom told me. And so I spent much of last night doing exactly that, standing with Dunc in the dark watching the heavens, wondering what a world without grandparents would feel like.

My grandfather was an amazing man and I wish I could have introduced each of you to him. Perhaps, in a way, I did when I wrote about him several years ago. He would've made you laugh even if you didn't want to. And so tomorrow as Dunc and I drive the six-hundred miles back home, I'll be thinking of all those stories and laughing even when it seems so hard, smiling against the bland miles of Wyoming, through the winding snow-covered hills of southeast Idaho until I arrive home and can receive the hugs I've been sorely missing these past few days.

But we won't be alone. Grandma and Grandpa will be with us. Perhaps all four of my grandparents will be there, magic feathers, strong and light and able to carry us across the distance to the home they built on the edge of the Idaho desert, to the family they loved so very much.

7 comments:

Cheryl said...

Thank you so much for the picture. It was exactly what I needed tonight. This is my parents. Not perfect, but so close you couldn't see the difference...XO mom

Charlie said...

It's so hard to lose the ones we love, especially those we've grown up loving. My condolences, Curt. Safe journey.
- Anne

Wendy said...

I'm so sorry about loving a loved one who you obviously cherished so much. And I know that my furbabies have been there for me in ways that human friends and family could never be. They offer us a solace that is constant and true. Sending you and your family blessings of peace and strength. And a big doggie hug to Duncan.

Sam said...

We are sorry you lost your Grandpa - our thoughts are with you. Please drive safely.

Sam

Joey and Kealani said...

Im so sorry to hear about your grandpa,our heart goes out to you Curt! Im so glad you have Duncan to help you get through it all. Please be careful on your journey and know you are in our prayers. We love you guys! Hugs Joey and Kealani and Valerie

Greg said...

Tears and hugs are shared with you, just as you've shared your heart here. This is why you are the one your family looks to when it comes to The Words. A beautiful tribute; may seemingly-inappropriate laughter mellow your sadness.

Michelle P said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my grandma on Dec 8th,2010. She was the last of my grandparents and I will miss our talks terribly. Hugs goes out to you and your family as you go thru this difficult time.