It was raining tonight when I arrived home. The clouds had settled over the city except for a thin, clear blue band directly above the mountains. By the time I'd leashed Duncan up, filled my pockets with mango papaya treats and poop bags, the sun had dipped below the clouds, filtering the evening world in heavy, golden light, the kind that makes you want to stretch out your tongue and lap up. We strolled down The Run as the rain turned to a drizzle and then finally a light mist. Droplets clung to the tips of bending leaves and the sun sparkled through them like a million stars, blinding in the daylight. Such fragile things, I thought, so precarious in their position, delicate in the brief moments they have before plunging grassward to be lost among the green.
I am not fragile, nor momentary, I thought. I am strong and have weathered storms I never imagined in my life. I have taken risks, basked in their rewards and regrouped after my losses. My imagination and optimism have been steadfast, buoyed by my sense of humor and a profound belief in the goodness of people and right and wrong. My dog has stood by me at my weakest moments and has marched at my side during times of victory and celebration. Together we have laughed and cried but never abandoned one another nor those closest to us. I believe in kindness and honesty and opening myself up to the experiences of the world. There have been many times over the course of the past several years when I nearly lost sight of who I was but the goodness in my dog and my spirit saw us through. I am proud of the person I am even while still being able to admit I'm a work in progress.
I watched the crystalline drops and the leaves and looked beyond them to the tall yellow grass beyond the fence along the edge of the golf course. Only months ago that grass was filled with ticks, fat and bloated, almost pompous in their vampire arrogance as they sucked the life out of their hosts before falling away to die, forgotten and alone in the dirt. They were fragile, sneaking things, annoying and a bitter reality of the world, but completely temporary and forgettable. There are times when I have felt like a droplet but I have never been a tick and never will be.
I am not fragile. I am not alone. And I am loved.